Today, as a result of a flurry of emails that can all be answered here, I am combining and re-posting two very popular posts, 5 Things Men Need to Know About Women & 5 Things Women Need to Know About Men.
If you've read these before, I apologize. I'm already writing the next new post.
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These lists apply to committed couples, not casual daters.
5 Things Men Need to Know About Women
- Never stop chasing her. Men often feel that once committed, their prior professions of love and the actions they took to close the deal stand ever present in their woman's mind. If I had a dollar for every time a man has said to me, "Well, she knows I love her." She knows he "loved" her when he said what he said and did what he did. How does she know that he loves her today? Only by his words and actions today. Court her. Call, text, hold her hand, bring her a flower or a bunch, tell her what she means to you. Rinse. Repeat.
- Women love sex, but approach it differently. The largest sex organ in a woman's body is her brain. Rarely are the friction based machinations of the average porn flick enough to light her fire. Also, women are saddled with more responsibility than ever and it isn't always easy to transition from superwoman to sex kitten. Men can help by sharing the burdens. When the opportunity for sex presents, start upstairs and well before sex. Be clean and smell good. Flirt, give non-sexual affection, tell her what she means to you, tell her she's gorgeous (mean it). Warm her up right and you may find yourself struggling to keep up. That leads me to the always awkward to make suggestion: Learn how to sexually satisfy a woman, specifically your woman. There are books, classes, counselors and, most importantly, the subtle and not so subtle responses of your woman. Study them.
- Women need emotional closeness to feel secure in a relationship. Emotional closeness is fostered by intimate communication. It is easy for a woman to sit right next to a man and feel wholly alone. Often, she just needs to talk with him and NOT have him fix problems. She needs to know that she can trust and rely on him to be there emotionally 100% of the time. Think of emotional closeness as a bucket with a hole in it. Men have to stay present and interested, continuously topping the bucket off.
- Women are capable of doing everything that needs to be done, but it doesn't make them happy. They enjoy being taken care of (to my readers who disagree: there are always exceptions, but I am hard pressed to fathom why a woman would deprive herself of this). As caregivers to the world, women need to be cared for, too. Women are biologically hard-wired to seek a man who will protect her and provide for her. A man who excels here is automatically sexy.
- Take the fire out of any fight by telling a woman that you love her, while you're arguing. You can maintain your position of disagreement and still do this. So many women admit that, during an argument, beneath the issue being debated is their sense that in that moment they are unloved. State your case and tell her that you love her. If you need space, go for it, but come back and tell her you love her ASAP.
5 Things Women Need to Know About Men
After countless discussions with men of every age, class, race and status, it seems that the reasons behind their counterparts' angst fall into five key areas. In an effort to shed some love and light on the mechanics of men, I write this post. Let me know what you think.
5 Things Women Need to Know About Men
- Men are as, or more, emotional than women. They don't express it as readily or easily because it isn't comfortable for them. Still waters run DEEP.
- Mutually desired sex is VITAL for him to feel emotionally secure, confident and loved. When she says "No" to sex, he hears, "I don't want you." It hurts.
- It is crucial that a woman NEVER criticize, mock, belittle, tease or insult her man in public or behind his back. Ideally, she doesn't do it in private either, but if she must express something negative, she should do so only when no one else, children included, is present. Respect and honor him.
- Taking care of her health, appearance and hygiene tells her man that she cares for and values him.
- He wants to take care of her, provide for her, be romantic with her, but when she bosses him around, questions him and undermines his efforts, he withdraws and feels incompetent.
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This is a really good blog…especially 5 Things Men Need to Know About Women. You hit some very important aspects of relationships that men usually miss or lack there of. However, your 5 Things Women Need to Know About Men…there are a few things I don't necessarily agree with. #2 is only really true when you are in a relationship and you haven't had sex in a while. A good example of this is in the movie "Sex and the City." During the movie we find out that the character Miranda hasn't had sex with her husband Steve in six months, which a pretty long time(especially for a married couple). The reason I point this out is because you don't really want to deliver the message that in order for a woman to tell a man that "I want you" is to have sex. This is one of the reasons why sex is such a prominent problem in most relationships because sex is not the answer in most cases and it just complicates things if you don't have the foundation and the essentials of a healthy relationship, in which sex won't be sex anymore, it will be "making love" and that will enhance your relationship. Not saying that you were sending that message, this is just for all the women and men who read your blog and think "oh this what I have to do just have sex" which is wrong. The only reason I disagree with your #3 and #4 in 5 Things Women Need to Know About Men is because it goes both ways. It is not all right to belittle anybody in public (in my opinion) and it is not all right for a man not to take care of himself. I do not know when or where in this society gave most men the message that it is not that important to take care of their selves. Not saying that men must take care of their selves in the same manner or fashion as women do but men do need to take care of their selves. Have you ever wonder why in most relationships that it is the man with the "beer belly"? We must steer away from this society's stereotypes by not reinforcing them. Women appreciates men you takes care of their selves and women would not like to be belittle in public either….so #3 and #4 goes both ways. Those are aspects of a relationship that both the man and the woman need to uphold.
Excellent insight as usual! Thanks for sharing again, I did miss it the first time so definitely a good idea to re-post. I appreciate it.
Just stumbled on this post. Very interesting indeed.I've tried to sort out in my own mind the differences between men and women (usually trying to be funny about it – and failing) but this post makes a lot of sense – and I reckon it is very accurate too.Great post.:0)CheersPM
Cynthia. You got it right on both sides. As far as the comment from Chris goes. Chris must be a woman because only a woman could think that refusal to have sex with her man is taken as anything other than rejection, unless there is some good reason not to. We're not talking about dating here as you pointed out in the beginning. Ladies, if you're in a relationship that you want to be in and neither of you is going anywhere, having lots of sex with your guy will make him happy and he will WORK to make you happy. As far as 3 and 4 go I'm not being a jerk, but women generally nag and complain about things and I think that's why it's written. Most guys are pretty happy to have good food, good friends and a good time. The majority of guys I know don't have beer bellies and do look pretty much the same over the years. But I know tons of women who went way downhill in their appearance after getting married with or without kids.I just think it's silly to read a comment that is all for one sided stuff on the woman's side and then complain about the mens side. Seems like that says more about the person than the list. No harm intended just call it as i see it.Again Cynthia you got it. I guarantee if two people did all the things here they'd be the happiest people in town.
Well said … thanks for the reminder on what women need to know about men. Everyone of those is important for my husband and I expect as you said, most men.
Thank you reading and commenting, Chris. At the beginning of this post I stated that these lists are intended for committed couples, not casual daters. I agree that sex is not a high communication choice outside of a committed relationship. However, inside a committed relationship it is a primary method of communication to a man.These Top 5 lists are not born of my opinions. They are the result of talking to countless men and women over many years and reading the many books on male/female relationships. I wrote this post because it was remarkable to me that men and women of differing ages, classes, religions, cultures and educations, share so many common desires in relationships.You may feel strongly about your assertions regarding belittling by and the appearance of men, however most of the women I spoke with weren’t complaining about those things and most of the men were. That is the reason things appear on only one list. My personal experiences jive with this list. When I honor and satisfy the desires of my lover, I receive everything I desire. I do not resent this; I revel in it.As always, the ultimate “right” belief for you is the one that feels true to you. No one perspective suits all.Thank you again. I value your input.Cynthia
Nathan:Always happy to see you!Cynthia
The Plastic Mancunian:Thanks for stopping by. I really enjoyed the photos on your site and I laughed really hard when I found Out-Numbered's blog through you. Maybe, I should make an Avatar dance interpretation video, too.:)Cynthia
Hello Scott:Thanks for chiming in. There are exceptions to every rule. Do your thing and love the results :)Cynthia
giftsofthejourney, Your name really says it all. Your site is lovely. Peacocks, ponies, ferrets, stunning seascapes, southern food and Miranda, thank you for taking me with you. It's a rare opportunity that I genuinely appreciate.And, btw, thanks for reading and commenting on my blog :)Cynthia
Well I am a man actually and I did missed the part where it stated this is blog is for people in committed relationships. Therefore #2, will be a valid point to make. As for Scott G., when I meant "it goes both ways" I meant just that. I'm not taking the women's side by any means. I'm going off of what I personally experienced and has be expressed to me through countless individuals so this is just not a one sided thing. I know #3 and #4 is not as prominent for women as it is for men but I know they wouldn't mind it. As for belittling or being criticized in public, I have yet to know anybody you who likes that. Unless, the person deserved it, I don't know anybody that's feels alright with that. But at the end of the day, you should be in a relationship where both individuals have unconditional love for each other and showing it through their actions because "actions speak louder than words." As far as dislikes and likes…varies from relationship to relationship so it is up to the people who are in the relationship to communicate those things and work on them so both can be and feel loved and ultimately be happy.
Hi Chris:I completely agree that belittling and other nasty behaviors have no place in relationships. I don't think anyone would argue against that. Thanks for returning and giving this more attention. I am always overjoyed to find men reading and commenting here. Be well,Cynthia
Such a great post. It's like having my own Cosmo magazine, of which I don't like…but liking it because the junk is gone and the truth and insight is there. Let's have some more of this again!! Where's the Dear Cynthia section???
Gillean:Thank you again. I've read your blog. Pardon my candor, you're a ROCKSTAR.Cynthia