Who are you? What are your goals and dreams?
People typically answer these questions with a string of labels (I am a teacher, lawyer, mother etc.) and a list of things and statuses to acquire (I dream of a having a good job, a house on the beach and a solid marriage). If we grouped the answers of ten thousand Americans, we would discover that the vast majority of responses are remarkably similar. Does that mean that we as humans desire the same things? I don't think so.
If you ask the same questions to ten thousand Thai people or Kiwis (people from New Zealand), their answers would be different from Americans, but the majority of responses would be similar to others from the same country, too.
In law school, I studied cross-cultural negotiation. I was fascinated to discover that people everywhere overwhelmingly follow the edicts sanctioned by their culture and society. They were born "blank" and their world taught them what to think, what to desire and who they were.
This realization changed me. For the first time I considered the idea that the things I "knew" to be right, true and worthy weren't decided upon or chosen by me. The guiding beliefs and motivations for my life didn't even belong to me.
I began questioning every belief and opinion that I could recognize (so often we are too immersed in a belief to see it). Over the course of the next three years, many formerly concrete beliefs gave way to my new thought about them. I began to choose beliefs that resonated with my center, not the ones that the world told me I must adhere to. I cut every cord to "should" that I could identify.
I am no longer the the girl bound by society's edicts. I'm whole and secure in myself. I know who I am, what I am made of and I live in the mesmerizing freedom of being in sync with the energy that created me. In the final analysis, I learned that there is only one rule to live my life by:
Follow the light in your heart WHEREVER it takes you.
Tucked inside this rule is one crucial admonition: do no harm to yourself or another. I spell this out for the benefit of the reader who worries that following one's heart light could be harmful. In truth, when motivated by real, all encompassing, love we will not harm another or ourselves.
However, not everyone will be happy when we decide that we aren't getting married, pregnant, a medical degree, or a house and we like having gay friends, Buddhas and Torahs on our coffee table and think that Grandma's 25 years younger boyfriend is a peach.
Dr. Abraham Maslow, a titan of psychology, taught that our goal is to become self actualized. He described self actualized people as:
The self-actualizing person is autonomous meaning they are capable of doing things for themselves and making decisions on their own. They believe in who and what they are. They are strong enough to be independent of the good opinion of others (Maslow 1970).
The journey away from the automatic imprints that rule our lives is enlivening, freeing, daunting and requires us to sacrifice that which no longer serves us. Yet, there is no greater work in all of life.
Here's to your freedom!
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> Follow the light in your heart WHEREVER it takes you. I love this saying. I need to write it on my wall. And I agree, the word "should" needs to be erased from my dictionary. Or perhaps replaced with "will." Hmmm. Or "won't."Great post, a lot to think about.
I'm right with you Deb. Will, have to, won't, can't, don't, must and mustn't are all words that should send an alarm off in our minds. Then we could evaluate the subject and make a choice rather than act as we were conditioned to. I nominate you to invent and manufacture that alarm. I know we'll sell a ton of them! :)Cynthia
LOL! I'll get right on it.
BRAVO!!!!!!!
Thanks, Sharon!
Hey, Cynthia! Found your blog from Laura Diamond's – love the feel of it. Great insight. I'll be popping by often!
Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I think Laura is the greatest and I was so honored by her post today. I look forward to seeing you here and I've followed you at http://zoecourtman.blogspot.com:)Cynthia
I am so EXCITED to know that there are others on this same journey. I have some work yet to do…but am getting slowly past all those beliefs instilled in me by the well meaning adults who gifted them to me.
So glad to have found you and your writings…thanks
~pam
Bravo, Pam! I’m looking forward to your growth and blossoming. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and appreciating mine.
I believe it was Abraham Maslow that brought us the hierarchy of priorities…that if our basic needs are met, then we are free to pursue and aquire that which fosters the spirit and feeds the soul. I feel our needs for food, shelter and sleep, these basic needs, should be met without struggle. Did I just say "should"? Maybe I could add that once these basics are met, we can pursue becoming authentic.
Elizabeth, I had this discussion today. Yes, our basic need for safety, survival and security must be met for us to be who we came here to be. It’s been a challenge for so many over the past several years, but I am encouraged and look to the time where, through our sense of good for all, we create a world where all are in position to give their gifts. Let’s start it.
Wow! Wow! Wow! This piece SO resonated with me! I am on much the same journey, looking at everything I believe and why I believe it… and scared to death of the changes I know it will bring, but excited at the same time! I would love to read more about how you went about this self-exploration. Connecting with you on Facebook!
Hi Cindy – Thank you. I enjoy your site and FB page too. Make friends with uncertainty and bias it towards good!
Never have been IN always on the outside. Laughed at made fun of, even the nun at school called me the span of the devil.Lived in the south in the 70 and was looked at as an oddity. Somewhere internally , when all thought I would fail, I succesed. When I failed myself is when I lost out. Being in was never me, when I kneel and pray I know it's not just me for my friend know what it means not to be IN. Thank you!
James, let’s be out together 🙂
… and once again, you've struck a chord! At least once a day I read something from you and find a connection. Same journey? Possibly? As I said when I first found you a week or so ago, I don't believe in coincidence. There's a reason, purpose and I'm quite excited to walk the path to see where it leads. Thank you for your insight and openness! You're a blessing! Much Love!
Hello B – We have yet to discover the depth of our union’s purpose. Whether it be just this or a greater connection, I am pleased to know you. Your past charitable efforts are incredible. I look forward to learning more.
Thank you, I'm on my own journey, its nice to know you are here, I'm learning to be "IN", is really to be "OUT".
Indeed 🙂 Farewell on your grand adventure!
Thank you, I'm on my own journey, its nice to know you are here, I'm learning to be "IN", is really to be "OUT".
Indeed 🙂 Farewell on your grand adventure!
I am questioning where all my beliefs came from too. Learning to create a life designed with my inner voice. This is brilliant.
Hi Jessica – Life becomes SO much better when we begin questioning and thinking for ourselves. Cheers to the best years of your life!
Cynthia, will you marry me?! Just kidding…but seriously, your posts are always so enlightened and pure and powerful! I love it! Thank you so much for being the "channel of God's Love" that you are. You truly bring light into this world, and we are so very grateful.
Marry you? So soon? 🙂
Thank you for reading and sharing, Mark. I appreciate the well wishes.
Cynthia
Cynthia, will you marry me?! Just kidding…but seriously, your posts are always so enlightened and pure and powerful! I love it! Thank you so much for being the "channel of God's Love" that you are. You truly bring light into this world, and we are so very grateful.
Marry you? So soon? 🙂
Thank you for reading and sharing, Mark. I appreciate the well wishes.
Cynthia
Hi Jessica – Life becomes SO much better when we begin questioning and thinking for ourselves. Cheers to the best years of your life!