Comments on: Give the Most Selfish Gift https://thebeautifullifeschool.com/give-the-most-selfish-gift-2/ Empower. Inspire. Heal. Mon, 01 Aug 2022 22:21:32 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 By: Cynthia Occelli https://thebeautifullifeschool.com/give-the-most-selfish-gift-2/#comment-489 Mon, 20 Dec 2010 19:37:50 +0000 https://thebeautifullifeschool.com/?p=1136#comment-489 In reply to nicki.

Nicki,

First, forgive my late reply. Your message was buried in no less than 200 spam comments.

Your story is remarkable. You went through so much, but none of it was lost on you. That’s where the value comes in. I love your wisdom about ending victim-hood, resentment and learning to accept without necessarily approving. You’re brilliant.

In the midst of everything, you managed to forgive and free yourself. That is so powerful. So many never get there and they bear the wounds forever.

Peace and love to you.

Cynthia

]]> By: nicki https://thebeautifullifeschool.com/give-the-most-selfish-gift-2/#comment-488 Sat, 18 Dec 2010 18:11:27 +0000 https://thebeautifullifeschool.com/?p=1136#comment-488 I love this post.  I loved my parents so much, but in their later years for various reasons I was so hurt by some of their actions.  Their divorce, affairs, drinking and a bad second marriage for my mother.  Both of my parents have died in the last 3 years. One from leukemia and the other from a Parkinsons related illness.  For the few years leading up to both of their diagnoses I spent alot of time worrying about how to "forgive" them.  I tried and tried. It became work for me to come to some forgiveness toward them.  In my mind it just didn't happen. My mother had to go to a care facility.  The wierdest thing happened.  I walked into her room the first time and I forgave her.  It literally washed over me.  What I had been so troubled over was gone.  I am not so sure that the right term for me was forgiveness or just acceptance.  I accepted how she had chosen to live her life.  I accepted the decisions that she made even though they were decisions that were hurtful.  I had thought that to forgive meant everything was okay. That I just had to overlook how she was living her life.  In reality I had learned that I loved her and I had more control over my relationship with her than I thought I did.  I did not have to spend time with her in very volatile situations.  I could disagree with her and if she chose not to talk to me because of our disagreement that would be her choice.  I tried to quit being her victim and stand up for myself.  "I love you mom, but I don't like what you are doing".  I don't know if I am expressing myself well or not.  I guess what I am saying is that while I did not condone my parents behavior I learned how to take care of myself, show myself some respect and not let those poisonous  feelings I had toward them dictate my life.  I hope I explained this properly……………………

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