The single greatest contributor to our happiness and success is a deep reverence and love for ourselves. Most people who’ve spent any time discovering healing and improvement know this. The challenge, as with all worthwhile information, is to move from knowing to doing.
There is no more important endeavor than developing healthy self-love. It is an elixir that will pour over into every area of life creating better relationships, health, sex, success, and joy. Self-love will cause you to be attracted to the healing, sustaining and beneficial aspects of life while rendering destructive, harmful and life-sapping behaviors weak and uninteresting.
How to Love Yourself
Get in touch with your feelings. We all have some degree of pain, sadness, fear, grief inadequacy, anger, and disillusionment. If you find yourself hotly disagreeing with this idea that is a cue to look deeper. Often the support of a good psychologist or psychiatrist is helpful in identifying the feelings and beliefs that impede the ability to love ourselves. For some, the journey to the self can be walked with a friend, a group, a spiritual adviser or coach. Others prefer to do it alone (Melody Beattie‘s books on codependency are amazing). This highly personal decision must be made with care. What matters is the outcome, not the method. Go where you need to go to discover the programs your mind is running and to process the negative emotions carried inside.
Forgive. In my post Give the Most Selfish Gift, I explain the immense value of forgiveness. It is not enough to forgive occasionally. It is a practice. Pay attention to what forgiveness is not and remember to forgive yourself first and frequently. The point of power is always now; free yourself and begin again. When you fall, and we all fall, begin again.
Do Love. Don’t wait until you feel worthy, ready or able to love yourself. Start loving yourself this very moment. Don’t know how? Be the parent of the most precious child ever born, YOU. What would that parent do to make that child healthy, happy, successful and secure? Do that. Would the parent of the most precious child ever born criticize, belittle, undermine or neglect her? Of course not. Would she fill her with fear and bad food while starving her of dreams? Never. Take ten minutes and write a list of the things the most loving parent would do for his most beloved child. Start doing them.
Listen to and change your self-talk. Pay attention to the commentary running through your mind. We are always talking to ourselves. When you become aware of negative, self-destructive talk don’t fret or blame yourself, forgive it and ask yourself, “What do I really want for myself?” The answer can be anything, but it should be stated in the positive. “I want to stop feeling sad and irritated.” becomes “I want to feel happy and trouble-free.” This is important because whatever we focus on expands. Direct your focus.
Be Grateful. My dear friend and inspiration, Reverend Cheryl Ward, closes every email with the quote, “It’s better to lose count while counting your blessings than to lose your blessings while counting your troubles.” The consistent practice of gratitude will change your entire life. How? By focusing on good, you expand it and more to be grateful for appears. Count on it.
The journey to self-love isn’t always easy. There will be challenges and barriers to overcome. However, there is no greater or more worthwhile cause. Imagine a world colored by its grace.