After receiving a ton of email and engaging in countless conversations with men baffled by the women in their lives, I’ve put together a list of the most common insights many men are unaware of. This list applies to committed couples, not casual daters. Be sure to check out tomorrow’s post 5 Things Women Need to Know About Men.
5 Things Men Need to Know About Women
1. Never stop chasing her.
Men often feel that once committed, their prior professions of love and the actions they took to close the deal stand ever present in their woman’s mind. If I had a dollar for every time a man has said to me, “Well, she knows I love her.” She knows you “loved” her when you said what you said and did what you did. How does she know that you love her today? Only by your words and actions today. Court her. Call, text, hold her hand, bring her a flower or a bunch, tell her what she means to you. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
2. Women love sex, but approach it differently.
The largest sex organ in a woman’s body is her brain. Rarely are the friction based machinations of the average porn flick enough to light her fire. Also, women are saddled with more responsibility than ever and it isn’t always easy to transition from superwoman to sex kitten. Men can help by sharing the burdens. When the opportunity for sex presents, start upstairs and well before sex. Be clean and smell good. Flirt, give non-sexual affection, tell her what she means to you, tell her she’s gorgeous (mean it). Warm her up right and you may find yourself struggling to keep up. That leads me to the always awkward to make suggestion: Learn how to sexually satisfy a woman, specifically your woman. There are books, classes, counselors and, most importantly, the subtle and not so subtle responses of your woman. Study them.
3. Women need emotional closeness to feel secure in a relationship.
Emotional closeness is fostered by intimate communication. It is easy for a woman to sit right next to a man and feel wholly alone. Often, she just needs to talk with him and NOT have him fix problems. She needs to know that she can trust and rely on him to be there emotionally 100% of the time. Think of emotional closeness as a bucket with a hole in it. Men have to stay present and interested, continuously topping the bucket off.
4. Women are capable of doing everything that needs to be done, but it doesn’t make them happy.
They enjoy being taken care of (to my readers who disagree: there are always exceptions, but I am hard pressed to fathom why a woman would deprive herself of this). As caregivers to the world, women need to be cared for, too. Women are biologically hard-wired to seek a man who will protect her and provide for her. A man who excels here is automatically sexy.
5. Take the fire out of any fight by telling a woman that you love her, while you’re arguing.
You can maintain your position of disagreement and still do this. So many women admit that, during an argument, beneath the issue being debated is their sense that in that moment they are unloved. State your case and tell her that you love her. If you need space, go for it, but come back and tell her you love her ASAP.
~ Cynthia
Learn more about how to love a woman from my book, Resurrecting Venus.
Photo Credit: Temari09
I have found myself realizing all of these statements throughout my years…
One of the things that I do while arguing is to tell my girlfriend that I love her. I also just randomly kiss her. Sometimes it works and completely quells the argument right away. Sometimes she gets even more upset cause she thinks it isn't important to me 🙁
Great post-
ryan
Ryan,
You sound like a fabulous boyfriend. I agree you’re walking the line to kiss her when she’s upset, but you can always tell her that you LOVE her. 🙂
I have found myself realizing all of these statements throughout my years…
One of the things that I do while arguing is to tell my girlfriend that I love her. I also just randomly kiss her. Sometimes it works and completely quells the argument right away. Sometimes she gets even more upset cause she thinks it isn't important to me 🙁
Great post-
ryan
I've been around enough rodeos to recognize the truth of this post. And I love that these truths are said straight, but gently and with humor.
To be succinct, men who would be successful in communicating with women should memorize and act on these simple (ok, not so simple, but real) principles.
On the other hand, women who would be successful in communicating with men should learn "5 Things Women Need to Know About Men." Both sides need to learn to dance with the other. Neither side is right, they're just different from each other. Fair is fair!
And since I can't quickly come up with a reference to the other side of the equation, I suppose I'll just have to go write one now. 🙂
Great post!
Hi Cynthia,
Terrific post. As a militant feminist, #4 is right on the money. Similar thinking to the lyrics of "Born to Run" —
Wendy let me in, I wanna be your friend.
I wanna guard your dreams and visions.
Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims and strap your hands cross my engines.
This attitude does it for me!
Brilliant!
love it……sharing!
love it……sharing!
100% yes!
100% yes!
200% correct!
200% correct!
EXCELLENT INFO…
EXCELLENT INFO…
Nicely done!
Number 4!!!!
Number 4!!!!
Great tips! Looking forward to reading your book!
men are from mars lol
Thank you for sharing this important information – so many men do believe that they can say or do something to show they love their women just once, and expect her to remember it, to be able to recall the moment, words, sensations….to pull them up years later, on a whim, as needed….and we women know that it does not work that way. And same with the other things men need to know AND REMEMBER, AND APPLY DAILY……there’s no way around it…..relationships are not like a biz-in-a-box, which is set up once and runs on its own after that….they require an investment of one’s self – all of it, and often……or a man need not expect his woman to behave in the manner he has fantasized……..especially during the troubling and difficult times in this country and the world……now, more than ever…….do your jobs, men! 🙂
All of these are true. I would say that I don’t need a man to constantly “chase” me, but throughout our interactions there should be some of that so I know and am treated like I matter.
Thank you so much for this information, Cynthia!
I passed it onto my husband, in hopes that our relationship can improve. I look forward to reading your next post about what men need from women.