1. Men are as, or more, emotional than women. They don’t express it as readily or easily because it isn’t comfortable for them.
2. Mutually desired sex is VITAL for him to feel emotionally secure, confident and loved. When she says “No” to sex, he hears, “I don’t want you.” It hurts.
3. It is crucial that a woman NEVER criticize, mock, belittle, tease or insult her man in public or behind his back. Ideally, she doesn’t do it in private either, but if she must express something negative, she should do so only when no one else, children included, is present. Respect and honor him.
4. Taking care of her health, appearance and hygiene tells her man that she cares for and values him.
5. He wants to take care of her, provide for her, be romantic with her, but when she bosses him around, questions him and undermines his efforts, he withdraws and feels incompetent.
~ Cynthia
Photo credit: Temari09
Point 5 here, why is this so ? 🙂 Superb post, Cynthia. 🙂
Thanks for this. I am just getting out of a relationship (not my choice) and I wish she had read this. I AM emotional and I HATE to be belittled over and over. I'm a good guy; I don't cheat, I don't want to, I don't have any inclination to do so, I loved her with all my heart… but there were always these stupid petty issues, including comparisons to her ex, that had to be dealt with. It took up so much time and energy.
In the end, it turned out it was her that was having emotional relationships with another man and inviting other men to come see her at work.
I spent so much of my time, trying to do things for her, telling her I loved her, (which I still do), yet I was never good enough. Actually, maybe I wasn't… I ended up going almost bankrupt due to all the time spent on her needs.
Me? I wasn't a "normal" man because I had emotional needs too, apparently.
Dear Wonderful Man,
You do deserve better – I know you have been hurt deeply, and I do understand your pain but I don’t understand that woman. I have been looking for a man like you my entire life and couldn’t find 🙂
Hope, your next relationship will be what you truly want and deserve.
Best, Anna
Nice post (from a man), I am not however sure that men are more emotional as this is something I don't think we can quantify and generalize, for me it is more that men are also as emotional as women but tend to know how to hide it (not necessarily better). I agree with no 3 but also some of us don't like it when women agree with everything and are not able to counter what we think or do. I feel I become a better person when my wife points out my shortcomings, I might not agree with her in the heat of an argument but will later reflect on it and try to adjust if I think she has a point. Anyway, something to reflect on…
If men are so emotional, why oh why is it that when I cry (about once a month usually because I am missing my son or something that my bf has said that upsets me)does he just tell me to not get emotional and to quit crying. Those are his exact words, “Quit crying.”
After it happened about 5 times I had to tell him point blank, “I need you to hold me when I cry.”
I haven’t cried since then, so I don’t know if it was effective 🙂
Bravo to you for asking for what you need. Why do men run from emotion if they are so emotional? Because it makes them uncomfortable. They have difficulty expressing and coping with their own. They tend to repress, deny and distract themselves from their own emotion. If he is doing it to himself, it isn’t surprising that he does it to you. That said, I would not be able to tolerate a man doing that to me. I would do as you’ve done: ask for what you need (they are really bad mind-readers), if he cannot supply the support you need, and goes a step further to try to stifle your feelings, you may have to look for some help in strengthening communication or decide if this is the right situation for you.
I hope you have few reasons to cry and get the hug you need when you do. 🙂
Cynthia
Bravo to you for asking for what you need. Why do men run from emotion if they are so emotional? Because it makes them uncomfortable. They have difficulty expressing and coping with their own. They tend to repress, deny and distract themselves from their own emotion. If he is doing it to himself, it isn’t surprising that he does it to you. That said, I would not be able to tolerate a man doing that to me. I would do as you’ve done: ask for what you need (they are really bad mind-readers), if he cannot supply the support you need, and goes a step further to try to stifle your feelings, you may have to look for some help in strengthening communication or decide if this is the right situation for you.
I hope you have few reasons to cry and get the hug you need when you do. 🙂
Cynthia
wow, you’re good! but you forgot one,…we need things to be delivered in simple terms….too many words shut us down…after 7 to 10,…you’ve lost us..
I agree
I think this is a wonderful post. I battle with #5 the most. I come from mixed cultures where oftentimes the woman is the bread winner and has taken on more of the masculine role in the relationship. How can a woman learn to have softer edges in this area?